Seto Kaiba vs. The World/Transcript
Watch ← Previous Episode Next Episode → Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series - Episode #52 Cast (In order of appearance): Yami Yugi (opening, doesn't really appear in the episode except for a cameo), Seto Kaiba, Tristan Taylor (posessed by Nesbitt), Mokuba Kaiba, Yugi Muto, Duke Devlin, Joey Wheeler, Téa Gardner (still posessed by Crump, despite having no speaking roles), Tristan Taylor (as robot monkey), Lector, "Bandit" Keith, Noah Kaiba, Gozaburo Kaiba, Hobson Running Time: 11:06 Episode Title: Seto Kaiba vs. The World Transcript (Standard Flying Cards Opening. Cards include the creators of Naruto Abridged on a roller coaster, Rebecca Black, Mike Haggar, Conker, and Leonardo DiCaprio '') 'YAMI: Yu-Gi-Oh is now 10 years old! That's about twice as old as the average fan of this show! (Cut to Kaiba and Mokuba looking at "Tristan", who is on a rooftop) '''KAIBA: Hey, I know that guy! Yeah, that's the funny guy who says the funny things. Hey funny guy! Say some funny things! "TRISTAN": I'm going to kill you! (jumps down and hits ground with a wooden stick; Kaiba jumps away just in time) KAIBA: Ohohohohoho man, you are funny. The way you are trying to kill me and all. Haha. Ah. Hey, do the line about your voice- "TRISTAN": AAAAHHHHHHHHH (keeps swinging but Kaiba keeps dodging) KAIBA: (While dodging) God, you're funny! Ohohoh- Ok hold on. (throws a card at Tristan's stick) YUGI: It's Tristan! He's alive! And he has a stick! JOEY: Tristan! Put down the stick! Remember what happened with the scissors? "TRISTAN": I'm not Tristan, you fool! I am ... Evil Tristan! (dramatic music plays) YAMI: (emerges from the bottom-right corner of the screen) Snot him! (Opening Title Sequence) DUKE: I don't think that's really Tristan, you guys. He seems ... different ... somehow. YUGI: You're right, Duke. Just look at his hair! It's so pointy! DUKE: No, that's always been like that. YUGI: Oh. Right. Well, just look at his vacant expression! DUKE: Again Yugi, it's always been like that. YUGI: But his voice is so weird! DUKE: Yugi, do you pay any attention to your friends? YUGI: Oh, of course I do! ... uh... um... uh... DUKE: Duke- YUGI: Duke! Right. I knew that. EVIL TRISTAN: Reconsider this, Kaiba! (lunges again) KAIBA: Grabbing a pipe. (grabs metal pipe and holds it in front of him) Come at me, bro. (Evil Tristan knocks pipe out of his hand) KAIBA: Well, that was highly improbable. EVIL TRISTAN: Perhaps you should have reconsidered your choice of weapon! KAIBA: Oh, it's Nesbitt. What, are you still not over the whole "blowing up your research lab" thing? EVIL TRISTAN: The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the guy kicking your ass with a stick. The irony- ROBOT MONKEY: That's my line, you thieving robot jerk! YUGI: Joey, use Tackle! JOEY: jojojojojojojojojoJoey Joey! ("Tristan" is kicked through a wall) I warned him, using a stick is just asking for trouble. YUGI: Joey, you just shoved him through a building. JOEY: So? YUGI: So ... are you on steroids? If so can I have some? ("Tristan" appears riding a motorcycle) JOEY: Hey, is that a Honda? YUGI: No, his name's Tristan. JOEY: No, I mean - oh never mind. (Evil Tristan grabs Mokuba) MOKUBA: Oh hey Tristan- ("Tristan" hits Mokuba) GACK! (Is knocked out) EVIL TRISTAN: I'm taking your brother for a ride, Kaiba. KAIBA: You don't know what you're doing, Nesbitt! Mokuba gets travel sick really easily! (Mokuba vomits offscreen) "TRISTAN": (Offscreen) Aw come on, I just got this body. YUGI: Don't worry Kaiba, we'll get your brother back, all we have to do is stick together... (Kaiba reappears riding a motorcycle) KAIBA: Eat it, nerds! (Motorcycle speeds out of sight) YUGI: Ok, since when did this show become amazing?! (Cut to Kaiba riding his motorcycle, singing along to the lyrics of "You're Not Me") KAIBA: ♪Dooooooooon't say if I were you, (Say if I were you) or tell me what to do, (Tell me what to do) how things would be with you in my shoes, 'cause you're not me!♪ (Motorcycle takes a hard turn and blows up, Kaiba appears unharmed) It's a good thing I'm Seto Kaiba, or that might've actually hurt me. TRISTAN (In the body of a Robot Monkey): Guys, it's so good to see you again! I missed you so mu-- (makes monkey sounds) DUKE: What the hell is this thing? JOEY: (shouting) Well, one thing's for sure. It definitely isn't Tristan. Because he is in the Shadow Realm. Or dead. One or the other. TRISTAN: Wait, why can't you guys understand what I--- (makes monkey sounds again) JOEY: (Still shouting)''But since Tristan isn't here, let's all talk loudly about the things that we hated about him. That way we'll be honoring his memory ... and laughing at his expense. '''YUGI': Just like the old days. TRISTAN: You guys, I'm right here! JOEY: (Still shouting as if to purposely insult Tristan in front of his face) Shut up, robot monkey! I hate you almost as much as I hated Tristan, which is a lot! (scene cuts to Lector, in a longcoat wearing glasses and a hat, and Kaiba, with "Big 5 Lector Theme" playing in the background, and a wall of fire separating them) LECTOR: (cackles) Well I say, it looks like we meet again, Mr. Kaiba! KAIBA: Oh look, another person I'm supposed to care about. LECTOR: Mr. Kaiba, I do declare, you have a worse memory than my grandpappa's goldfish! Boy, I say boy! Boy! KAIBA: Oh hey, it's Lector. I'd recognize those unnecessary Southernisms anywhere. Let me guess, you're one of Noah's Seven Evil Ex-Boyfriends. LECTOR: Don't play, I said don't play dumb, Mr. Kaiba! I was your father Gozaburo's right-hand man, and newly appointed Head of Localization. KAIBA: Don't you mean Americanization? LECTOR: It's called "Localization", Mr. Kaiba. Because I do declare, there is only one country that matters when it comes to translating stuff. And that's, Americalanavania...I mean America. Let me give you an example. (Rice ball appears in bottom-right corner of screen) You see this rice ball? (Rice ball turns into a hamburger) Now it's a burger. (Turns into cheeseburger) And now it's a cheese''burger! You see, Mr. Kaiba, it's the added dairy that makes it truly American. '''KAIBA': Huh, that reminds me. Whatever happened to Bandit Keith? (cuts to Bandit Keith in a bar, with "''Don't Stop Believing" by Journey playing in the background'') BANDIT KEITH: (snores) In America... (cuts to Mokuba passed out on a couch) NOAH: Rise and shine, Mokuba. MOKUBA: (groans) Ok, who kidnapped me this time? Wait, it's Season 3 so it must be- NOAH: (laughs sadistically) Me. MOKUBA: Noah! NOAH: That's right, Mokuba. I've captured you and there's no escape! MOKUBA: 'Kay. NOAH: That's it? Just "'kay"? MOKUBA: Well, I'm kinda used to it by now. Hey, do you have any snacks in here? Aha, I like food. NOAH: No...I don't- MOKUBA: Well, all my other kidnappers gave me snacks. Pegasus took me on a picnic, Marik gave me pizza... NOAH: You're supposed to be begging for mercy, not snacks! MOKUBA: (shrugs) I guess you're just not as cool as all the other kidnappers. NOAH: (Glances distractedly) I think I might have some week-old doughnuts in the fridge... MOKUBA: Awesome! Now this is a kidnapping! (cuts to Kaiba and Lector, now in the form of Jinzo) KAIBA: Duel me, you...(looks at Lector's Jinzo body in confusion)uh...weird...cyborg...kind of...burn victim person. LECTOR: Very well, Mr. Kaiba, but I don't suppose you're aware of Jinzo's special effect now, are ya? KAIBA: Enlighten me. LECTOR: Let's say you had your motorcycle, Mr. Kaiba, and for the sake of argument, imagine we were both dueling while riding said motorcycle. How would you describe that situation? KAIBA: Uh...I don't know. Card games on motorcycles? (Jack Atlas pops in) JACK: CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES (Lector shoots laser beams out of his eyes, Jack explodes) AAH! LECTOR: (laughs evilly) I have been waitin' a whole year for that! KAIBA (thinking): Oh no! Jinzo has the power to destroy Internet memes! But my deck, it's almost completely filled with Internet jokes and references! LECTOR: Boy, I said boy, Mr. Kaiba! I do declare, [[Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series - Episode 044|it looks like the rules ... just screwed you!]] (points dramatically and cackles) KAIBA: Uh, that doesn't even work. (cuts to Noah and Mokuba watching Kaiba duel Lector) NOAH: Now Mokuba, do you see how pointless it is to resist my- MOKUBA: This is boring! Can we switch over to SpongeBob? NOAH: SpongeBob? MOKUBA: My other kidnappers always let me watch cartoons. And they let me stay up 'til midnight! NOAH: Fine, you can watch SpongeBob. MOKUBA: Yay! (munches on doughnut) Best kidnapping ever! (cuts to Yugi and friends in a truck) YUGI and JOEY: 99 Duel Monsters cards on the wall, 99 Duel Monsters cards! Take one down, trade it around, 98 Duel Monsters cards on the wall! DUKE: Guys, I hate this song! (cuts to Kaiba and Lector) LECTOR: Now, I summon my magical Moe Missile Maiden! And ain't she cuter than a teddy bear wrapped in puppies? KAIBA: God, I hate cute. LECTOR: Boy, I said boy, Mr. Kaiba! I hafta ask, how's it feel knowin' you're about to lose everything? KAIBA: I never lose, Lector! YUGI (appearing with the main cast behind Kaiba): Hey Kaiba, are you losing? I mean, I know how much you hate when that happens. After all, I've beaten you so many times. So are you losing right now? Is that what's happening? Did you already lose and you're just too embarrassed to admit it? Is the other guy winning? Kaiba? KAIBA: I never lose!! Not since I defeated my stepfather in a game of wits when I was only a child. YUGI: So are you losing or not? (Flashback to Kaiba's Chibihood) GOZABURO: Seto, I don't want you to think I'm an unreasonable man. CHIBI-KAIBA: Too late for that. GOZABURO: SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU LITTLE INGRATE!!... I mean, beloved son of mine. Tell me, Seto, What would you do if I were to put you in charge of KaibaCorp? CHIBI-KAIBA: Well the first thing I'd do is...(Like a Boss starts playing in the background, and scene repeatedly cuts to footage befitting Kaiba's lyrics) SCREW THE RULES! (Like A Boss) SUMMON A DRAGON! (Like A Boss) INVENT A DUEL DISK! (Like A Boss) JUMP OUT THE WINDOW! (Like A Boss) RESCUE MY BROTHER! (Like A Boss) HANG UP THE PHONE! (Like A Boss) IMPRESSED BY ROCKS! (Like A Boss) COLLECT THE GOD CARDS! (Like A Boss) (Obelisk's mouth moves with the line "Like A Boss") FLY A JET! MOKUBA: Like A Boss! KAIBA: WRITE A CHECK! (Like A Boss) (Check also reads "Like A Boss") LAND IN A JET PACK! (Like A Boss) (Cut back to Chibi-Kaiba) BE AN ASSHOLE! (Like A Boss) GOZABURO: Well Seto, your song parody has not fallen on deaf ears. I'm giving you the opportunity to prove you can run this company. Hobson, give Seto his gift of ten million dollars. CHIBI-KAIBA: What am I supposed to do with this? GOZABURO: This time next year, I want you to pay me back ten times the amount I'm giving you. Only then will you earn a place in the club of corporate scumbags. HOBSON: (Still sounding like the Hulk) Hobson recommend investing in Internet stock. (Cuts to Chibi-Mokuba and Chibi-Kaiba talking) CHIBI-MOKUBA: What are you gonna do Seto? CHIBI-KAIBA: I'm going to buy 51% of the shares in a company that treats its employees like family. CHIBI-MOKUBA: You mean like Disney? CHIBI-KAIBA: No Mokuba, nothing like that. (Cuts to "Dreamworks HQ") DREAMWORKS EXECUTIVE: Are you out of your mind?! You're asking me to buy the company from you for ten times the amount it's actually worth! CHIBI-KAIBA: That's right. DREAMWORKS EXECUTIVE: Why would we ever agree to that?! CHIBI-KAIBA: Because if you don't, I'll force your company to produce lame uninspired animated movies starring B-list celebrities that blatantly rip off vastly superior Pixar movies. DREAMWORKS EXECUTIVE: But we already do that! CHIBI-KAIBA: Oh! Umm... (Pulls out a gun, speaks quickly) Gimme the money. (Cuts to street with money raining over Chibi-Kaiba) KAIBA (Flashback monologue): Even though I successfully bullied that company into giving me the money, it wasn't enough. I had to go after Kaiba Corp. itself. (Cuts to Chibi-Kaiba speaking with Gozaburo) CHIBI-KAIBA: This company will belong to me, old man! GOZABURO: That's where you're wrong, Seto! You don't have enough shares to take over my company. CHIBI-MOKUBA: Think again, Gozaburo! I'm giving my shares to my big brother. CHIBI-KAIBA: Mokuba, you don't have any shares. CHIBI-MOKUBA: I don't? CHIBI-KAIBA: Of course not, you're like five! The only other shareholder is- HOBSON: Hobson give shares to Seto! GOZABURO: Hobson, how could you do this to me? After I picked you up from the gutters... HOBSON: Hobson regret nothing! CHIBI-KAIBA: Now, I'm the owner of Kaiba Corp. My first order of business: Build the ultimate theme park! All I need is a name... HOBSON: Hobsonland!! CHIBI-KAIBA: (Quickly) I'll think about it. HOBSON: Yaaaaaay!!! (End flashback) KAIBA: And that, Lector, is why I always win! YUGI: (off-screen) Did you lose yet? KAIBA: Shut up, Yugi!! LECTOR: You turned your back on your own brother, became a corporate scumbag- KAIBA: Yeah, okay, I'm an asshole. What's your point? LECTOR: My point, I say my point is you have nothing left to defend yourself. Your deck is a useless mess of memes. And my Satellite Cannon is almost fully charged, Mr. Kaiba. (Cut to left half of screen having half of Lector's real face, and the right half having Jinzo's face) It is time to say good night. SOMEONE PLEASE CONTINUE THE TRANSCRIPT FOR ME. Trueblade74 (talk • ) 17:02, May 1, 2011 (UTC) DID SOME WORK ON TRANSCRIPT. WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF SOMEONE CONTINUED THE TRANSCRIPT FOR ME.--BabyPanda (talk • ) 20:06, May 1, 2011 (UTC) Take all discussions to the talk page, I've already set things up there. Trueblade74 (talk • ) 13:30, May 2, 2011 (UTC) Category:Abridged Transcripts